Pint-Sized Princess

Never Give Up

   

It is difficult to be told something that you do not want to hear. It is trying when you believe that there is a chance of success at something, but are told to give up. There are so many days when I believe that giving up is the best option, but when you can’t fight the grasp you have on a belief, you have to decide if you are in denial or if there is something deeper, a reason why you have a sense of trusting your own feelings.

There is a chance that I am stupid and naive, but I cannot fight the determination I have in certain circumstances. There are times when I wish I had people backing me in my choices or pushing forward instead of telling me that I should move on to something new. There is a reason I have not given up thus far. I may not be able to explain why and God knows I have tried. I may not be able to even write an accurate description, but I am looking for peace within my distress, so thank you Winston Churchill for your strong words of encouragement that are much needed in my life.

“Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, give up. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up.” -Winston Churchill

Text Me

    

In this day and age, it is as if phone conversations do not exist unless they include fingers typing it out. In this world, we have become so adapted to instant gratification that we expect to get answers within seconds of asking for them.

I am no exception. I keep a prayer journal and sometimes when I write out my prayers, I half expect to get a message or unforeseen phone call from God answering the questions I have. But, I am well aware that this is not the way it works.

Why have we all become so stuck in technology that we forget to search out our own answers. It is difficult for me to imagine a time before cell phones, but there was a time that no one in my family owned one. I do recall my bus driver holding, what looked like a brick, up to his ear. I thought it was so cool as he pulled the antenna out and began to speak. “Wow,” I thought, “what a cool phone.” Shortly after that, I remember my dad getting a similar one.

There are days that I wish we did not have cell phones, that texting did not exist, but there are days that I thank God for the easy access to my confidants, my family, and friends. I definitely take advantage of the easy access of instant gratification. I love being able to text my sister, call my parents, send funny pictures to my friends.

We should take time out of our days to take a step back and really think about how we are using our technology, see if we are being overly “connected.” At this point, I refuse to get a data plan. I use my phone enough… I do not need to be online 24/7. What about you? Are you addicted to instant gratification? Are you obsessed with checking to see what your friends are doing? Are you afraid of being left out of the drama happening this minute? Do you have a question and need it answered right now?  Welcome to 2012… may we figure out what is really important and become more apt at finding our own solutions.

Praise God that he pushes us to be curious and to wait on him for his perfect and just timing.

Dear You

    

Dear person that needs to read this,

     Life is tough. There are bad things that will happen to you and you will not understand why, but keep pushing forward. Sometimes it will feel like a mountain has dropped in your path, but the climb will give you confidence. There will be paths that will look like shortcuts, but do not be fooled by their allure, they will lead you to a destination that is far less than what you deserve. People will disappoint you, but know that they are only human. They make mistakes and even if they do not deserve to be forgiven, you deserve to not live with the grudge. Forgive, for you will mess up too. When you do something that hurts another person, you need to ask for forgiveness, admit the wrongdoing, and forgive yourself. You will face difficulties often, but there are blessings in your life. There are more people that care about you than you are even aware. You are impacting lives on a daily basis. Remember to smile. Remember to care. Remember to love. Do not be afraid of tomorrow, for you made it through today and that is an accomplishment of its own. Life may be difficult, but you are strong. Do not lose sight of that.

<3 Someone that cares

Envision It.

I have always dreamt of having an art room in my house. A place where I can put up my easel and paint as the light slowly peers through the window. I have often thought about the organization techniques I will have in that room, some crates, containers, shelves, everything in its rightful place.

The view of this room has progressed as I have gotten older. When I was five, I wanted a room like this, but filled with crayons, markers, and paper. At twelve, the vision became a little more mature with acrylics, a pottery wheel, and counter space. When in high school, my easel entered the picture, as did oils, pastels, watercolor paints, and even more counter space. Now, I can even picture the storage spaces around the room. I can envision my canvas on the easel, paint poured, ready to be used.

What happens in our minds that allow us to take something without substance and create it into something so glamorous, desired, something so real.

I feel like I am playing such an evil trick on the logical part of my brain. I envision all these practical uses for this room. I know the placement of the paintbrushes in their canister. It seems as if it is almost real, like many other things, but it isn’t and may never be.

Now, I realize that not having a room just for my art stuff will not be the end of the world. I know that there are bigger things to life than a placement of an easel, but I cannot help but wonder what else I am fooling myself into believing. What have I actually lost sight of? Is my concept of reality warped? Have I skewed the practical, the sensible, and ultimately, created lies that I have come to believe?

These are difficult questions to face, but sometimes they need to be established in order to begin the check yourself back into the here and now. I may want an art room in my house, but I should be satisfied with the ability to create without such privileges.

Impossible?

                                       

What does impossible really mean and does it actually exist? Throw a pig on a plane and it is flying… Things can happen despite what we are told. Just because it seems like it cannot happen does not really mean it can’t. Maybe we just need to be a little more creative with our approach.

Today I overheard a conversation about how love does not actually exist and that it is impossible to “fall in love.” Well, at that moment, I could not help but quietly agree with the slightly domineering student.

Later in the day, I was walking past the same place when I saw the same student on his cell phone, tears in his eyes, as a girl (probably his girlfriend) held his hand, looking terrified of the news he was receiving. There was love in the grasp the girl had, there was a patience in her demeanour and a concern in her eyes. I knew that their was love there, and I quickly decided that the conversation he was having this morning, that I agreed with , was all wrong.

Nothing is impossible, not even falling in love. Just because it has never happened to me does not mean that it is not possible. Just because a guy has never declared his inability to live without me in his life does not mean that it is not possible and just because I have never had a guy grasp my hand in the way that the girl was grasping his, in his time of need, does not mean that it will never happen.

There is still doubt in my mind, but there is hope in my heart that there is a guy out there that will want to hold my hand when I get some difficult news. There is a guy out there that God is preparing for me and I for him. There is someone out there that is strong enough to handle my quirks and persistence at striving for success. There really are people that belong together, just as there are pigs that are destined to catch a flight on an airplane.  

The impossible becomes the possible everyday. You just have to believe that what seems impossible today will be possible tomorrow.

Go Figure

                                                          

There is no secret to life. There is no secret telescope for us to look through that will allow us a more in depth look to see the details that we are missing. Sometimes I think that I do have a selective scope on the imaginary lens that I am looking through. I think I understand something or become upset because I think that something is more complicated than it is, but it turns out that I am completely wrong. This happens more often than not.

I cannot tell you how often I have fallen prey to my own viewpoint. I have set myself up for failure and disappointment. There are good things in my life and I believe that they are too good to be true, so I push them aside, or do not believe that they are real. The reality of the good things in my life becomes hazy, as I push it aside and try to pretend that it is not there, thinking that I am protecting myself. However, this places greater disappointment within my life.

I am fortunate to have people that care about me. I have a family that loves me. I have friends that would do anything for me. I have people to talk to when times are difficult and I have loved ones that share in the happy times. Even today it became a reality as I texted a few people about something good that happened to me, and not one did not text me back. I got notes of encouragement and my roomies even wanted to celebrate with me. I am a lucky girl, even though it is not easy to see sometimes.

Every year I set resolutions and by the middle of the year, I lose sight of many of them. One of the resolutions this year was to write five things that I am thankful for each night, well, here is my first public list… let’s see how I do with counting my blessings…

1. I am thankful for my roommates, because whether I like it or not, they are there for me, and this is a comfort to know.

2. Friends (counting my roomies), because they have my back; they encourage me, care about my well-being, make me laugh, accept me (quirks and all). I am extremely fortunate to have them in my life.

3. Family. I have such a supportive family. My parents always want more for me than what they had and care about my future. My sister is my best friend and cares about me, more than I often realize.

4. Sunshine. As the sun blinded me on my way to work, I thought about the essence that it does bring to my day. Without it, all would be dark. Without the warmth, we would not exist. Sunshine can hit you just right and bring a sensation that cannot help but make you happy. Sunshine is a wonderful thing.

5. I am thankful for my co-workers. They make me laugh. They care about my success and push me to do my best. They know when I am overwhelmed and do their best to relieve me of the stress. They are amazing and I am so blessed to have them in my life, especially in my work environment.

Today, I caught myself thinking, “Go figure,” multiple times. Something strange would happen and I would think it. Something random, unexpected, or needed, and I would thank God and say, “Go figure… you know exactly what I need, when I need it, and how to present it to me. I am absolutely fortunate.”

Along with all the blessings I have, I do have a lot of negative things I face on a daily basis. I am praying in depth for my uncle and my family. I am worried about my grandmother and her well-being. I even feel guilty about not being home to help relieve some of the stress that everyone back home is forced to face, but I need to keep a positive attitude and not lose sight of my blessings, for they do not fall in short… they seem to multiply by the day, and this is a blessing in itself.

Missing the Familiar

               

This world is a screwed up place. I am waiting for a phone call to see how bad my uncle’s cancer is. I am surrounded by people that I know nothing more than names, people that could not possibly know the emotional waves going on inside of me. As I put in this week of classes, before facing a semester head on, I have to put my time in here. That is the only reason I am here.

Life is funny that way. You think you are about to embark on something fun and new, but you are faced with burdens and heartache. I feel that my place is beside my family right now, but I am stuck in West Virginia, in a cottage. Sounds like a vacation, but right now it feels more like a temporary prison.

Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying the time I am having here, but feel guilty. I am learning a lot to help me in my future, but feel, yet again, terrible for furthering mine, while the future of others is extremely uncertain. I think of everything that I could be doing at home to help alleviate some of the stress, but all I can do here is get updates through phone calls and text messages. I can send words of encouragement and love, but there is only so much to do when you are physically absent.

I opted out of a game night that most of my class is at, but seem to have found myself in yet another jam. Here I am, in a cabin with two girls. One that is a lot like me, another that is my polar opposite. People that really know me know that I isolate myself when things are tough. I need time to meditate on what is going on, reflect on the next steps, and, mainly, fight the emotion that is eating away at me. I thought I made it clear, but it turns out I did not. I am used to people understanding that when I take on isolation, when I come out of it, the topic is dead until I bring it up, yet this is not the way it played out for me on this day.

I miss the familiar. I have only been here a few days, and rarely become homesick, yet here I am, missing my friends, my family, and my dogs. I just want to crawl into a familiar bed, cuddle with a familiar stuffed animal, and cry into one of many familiar pillows. But, like I said, I am stuck in this temporary prison, counting down the days until I can go to my home away from home, feeling one step closer to my home sweet home, embraced by family, facing hardship alongside, instead of long distance.

For now, I am praying…. that is all I can do.

It’s Cancer

  

Isn’t it interesting how one word can send shivers down your spine? Isn’t it interesting that one diagnosis can change your life, or cause it to feel like it has been brought to a devastating halt, yet the days seem to continue on, as if nothing has happened? People continue Facebooking, celebrating the holidays, laughing, shopping, and do not pause along with you.

My uncle has been diagnosed with stomach cancer, the same disease that killed his father, not that many years ago. A few days before Christmas, he was told the words that he seemed to expect, yet hoped otherwise, “You have cancer.”

Although the outcome does not sound promising, the family is maintaining a prayerful attitude, yet, we fear the worst. Positivity is difficult to come by when doctors seem to be immune to sensitivity.

As soon as I heard the news, I alerted my friends to be my prayer warriors, and many responded. I would be lying if I said that I expected them all to be sincere, but I know that many of them are. A few check in on me everyday, knowing that my family is an emotional wreck, being as close-knit as we are. Many other trying factors are going into the difficulty of this situation, but I know that God is the barer of strength.

As much as I appreciate the couple that do ask me for updates on my uncle, and my emotional state, I am disappointed to find that many that I thought would be the most concerned about me seem to not be. This sounds quite selfish, but at this point, I feel entitled to the amount of sadness I am facing. I hate seeing the people I love the most go through such difficult times. I try to be strong for everyone else. I try to be the voice of reason, “Let’s not give up hope just yet, the fight has just begun. We do not know all that we will in the weeks to come.” But, it is tiring. I see everyone close to me leaning on each other. Everyone seems to have a partner in this tough time, but I feel quite alone.

Well, the prayers are needed for my family at this time as funds are quickly becoming difficult to come by, as is hope. The strength it takes to get from one day to the next is somewhat scarce, and sleep is only a privilege. Coffee is a necessity. Tears are expected. And trusting God is a requirement because the journey we are facing is filled with uncertainty.